So often, I feed this sense of dread I have developed in recent years. Obsessing, ruminating, dwelling, fretting..... I woke this morning and felt that claw clutching at my heart, and decided to be a warrior. I breathed deep, sending my breath to the very center of the well of dread in my chest. Nothing. It was like blowing on obsidian. Again. Again. Again. And that place began to soften. The dread subsided. My real heart, my true soul had room to flow in and I felt safe.
The thought that flowed in was this: that John is not going to die. Not from the esophageal cancer and not right now.* The good news is that our friend has a chance of surviving this illness and dying the way he wants to - crushed under a falling log in the woods, or by a suspended car engine swung rogue. Or maybe even in his sleep, his final breaths muffled by the cats sleeping on his head. That would be nice.
So today we are celebrating the good news. We understand there are awful days ahead, but to know that John is (for as long as he chooses to) fighting toward a cure and not toward merely a chance of prolonging suffering - that is great news. I needed to write it down and in that way double it, multiply the effects of the good news. Now I'm going to take steps to sustain it more - send them food, written wishes, call. Take this piece of good news and turn it into a blessing.